Narrow Victory

Jul. 28th, 2017 05:00 am
wendelah1: ("You cannot pass.")
[personal profile] wendelah1
That was a squeaker. John McCain's vote against the so-called "skinny bill" took his party by surprise. But he signaled his opposition three days ago when he gave his speech on the Senate floor.

“We’ve tried to do this by coming up with a proposal behind closed doors in consultation with the administration, then springing it on skeptical members, trying to convince them it’s better than nothing — better than nothing — asking us to swallow our doubts and force it past a unified opposition,” the longtime Arizona senator said. “I don’t think that is going to work in the end. And it probably shouldn’t.”

Here's the full text: John McCain on key Senate healthcare vote.

It is well worth your time, and quite a contrast to our faux president's position on taking healthcare away from millions of Americans.

President Donald Trump called out the three GOP no votes on Twitter, saying, "3 Republicans and 48 Democrats let the American people down. As I said from the beginning, let ObamaCare implode, then deal. Watch!"

It's obvious that Trump doesn't care about the millions of people who voted for him, who believed in him, who still believe in him. Who truly believe that he wants to "Make America Great Again."

The only thing Trump cares about is his image and his personal fortune. He didn't give a rat's ass what was in the death bill, as long as it got passed. He wanted "the win." Trust me, as soon as we stop paying attention, these bastards will be back for your healthcare. If they'd passed this bill, the next thing would have been eliminating Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security. Paul Ryan wants to take away the entire social safety net. Well, maybe next year.

Here's the "play by play": How the ‘Skinny’ Repeal Bill Was Defeated, Play by Play.


Next on their agenda: putting more money into the pockets of the wealthy Republican donor class, aka "tax reform." They will steal us blind, if we give them the chance. Our resistance must be absolute.

In case you missed it...

Jul. 28th, 2017 10:52 am
fignewton: (Daniel shoulderpatch)
[personal profile] fignewton
[community profile] stargateficrec is now on DW, turning active in August.

The admin announcement is here.

Signups for next month are here.

Hope to see you all there. :)

Remarkably Coherent, if Tired

Jul. 27th, 2017 07:55 pm
aivix: (Default)
[personal profile] aivix
Filmed my last task for my pathology class today. I'm hoping it's passable; I'll be spending the weekend getting the editing done and the jump drive ready to mail to my prof. Fingers crossed, I'll get out of this class with a passing video and my sanity intact.

My goddaughter's birthday party was last weekend, but her 1st birthday is Saturday. Not sure what I'll wind up doing, but I imagine when I start to lose my grip on reality, I'll head over there with a small gift.

I've felt some vague desire to write the last few days. Not SGA, but NCIS: someone going over to Gibbs' house, finding the door locked and peering through a window to see a new TV secured to the wall with an array of kids' toys on the floor. New couch, baby gates, etc. I think my brain has latched onto all the 'Gibbs raises Tony' stories and turned it into a more... canon compliant Gibbs/Tony + Tali. Then I pull out a scrap of paper while I do the records scanning at work (scanner is in the kennel and out of sight of my coworkers) and my brain goes, "Erm, maybe later." Frustrating, that, but it might come spilling out once the stress of the semester is over.

As for fic, I've had the attention span of a pez candy this week and haven't read much, let alone written. We'll see what Saturday brings, but I have gotten back to commenting on the fic prompt comms I follow. I try to remember to check the LJ app before morning appointments; I'm going to have to remember to charge up the Kindle so I can have it for my lunch break. (Which... anyone have some book recs? I've been re-reading Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter when I can get myself to focus.)

Chester... I'm still feeling sad when I think about him, still not interested in listening to anything but Linkin Park on repeat. That, too, has been why I'm having trouble getting focused. But I know, as with the time after my brother passed, it ebbs.

Awake

Jul. 27th, 2017 10:01 am
colonelsandgeeks: (Gate)
[personal profile] colonelsandgeeks
There's something not quite right when you're awake earlier on your day off than on a work day.

I slept really badly last night. You know those nights where you can't get comfortable, you're too hot with the duvet on, too cold with it off and when you do sleep you just have bizarre dreams that kept waking you up? That's the night I had.

I actually gave up on sleep somewhere around 3:45 and made myself a cup of tea. I sat in bed and read for a bit, then jumped online. I did a little bit of work on my wordpress site, joined a few fanlistings.

It's now 10am and admittedly i'm still sitting in bed. I'm thinking about taking a shower, getting dressed and walking into town. There's a few things I'd like to get and a few chores around the house I'd like to check of the list. Nothing exciting, it's a 'buy milk' and 'do laundry' type of day.

This afternoon I'm hoping to knuckle down and make a start on writing - probably my [community profile] jd_ficathon fic

Books Meme + Update

Jul. 26th, 2017 04:35 pm
wendelah1: Fox Mulder reading (reading is fundamental)
[personal profile] wendelah1
Tomorrow my husband has an appointment to see someone who isn't his doctor because his doctor is on vacation. He's feeling worse rather than better. Maybe he needs a different antibiotic. We'll see.

I'm tired and distracted. I'm thinking about defaulting on my kidlit exchange. I can't focus on writing.

~/~/~

Books I finished:

Jane's Warlord by Angela Knight. This is yet another time-travel romance. The time-travel plot is silly but when isn't it? The serial killer plot is even worse but that's not why you're reading this book. The romance is standard fare. Warrior Boy from the future travels back in time to save newspaper girl, they have the best sex like ever, and girl returns with boy to his own time (and planet--did I mention he's not from Earth?) and they live happily ever after. She gets to take her cat, too. Luckily, the universe doesn't break from the strain. If you like your heroes to be hyper-masculine, super-human sex machines and enjoy sex scenes featuring bondage without safe-words between total strangers, this might be just what you're looking for. How do I even rate something like this? One star because it was a quick read, especially since I skimmed the sex scenes.

Time and Again by Jack Finney. It's an illustrated novel from 1970. Spoilers ) I thought the premise of the book was intriguing enough to keep reading but the execution left something to be desired. I solved the big mystery at the center of the novel by the end of the paragraph in which it was introduced. The romance fell flat. The ending was a complete dud. The style was serviceable Two lukewarm stars.

Books I abandoned:

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick. I checked this out because of the Amazon series, which I can't watch. A consolation prize? I know it's a classic but dammit, the book is boring. I didn't care about the characters. The plot seemed inconsequential, which given the premise, is pathetic. Maybe the series is better written. Anyway, after 67 pages, I'm done with it.

The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble. You should know that I have read and enjoyed a number of Drabble's books. This was not one of them. It was about genetics and the English class system. I didn't get through an entire chapter of this turkey. Books about unpleasant characters leading unpleasant lives need a hook and she didn't provide one.

Books in the pipeline:

The third and final book in the kid-lit series I'm reviewing for my kid-lit book exchange. Title withheld.
lucymorningstar: (Default)
[personal profile] lucymorningstar
Insomnia, as I think we all know, is a bitch and it turns me into a bit of one. I think it does all of us to an extent. Who doesn't get a little bit cranky and snappy when they're overly tired? I get insomnia as a symptom of being schizoaffective, I get irritable as a symptom and I get irritable because I'm tired. It's all a vicious circle as most things are with mental health.

In a way I'm kind of used to not sleeping properly and most of my coping methods work most of the time. This is a special circumstance. I know I'm stressed and anxious, I don't deal with change and I'm not sleeping right because of it. I probably won't sleep right for weeks, if not months, because of it. I do have a prescription for sleeping pills if I need them and I hate them but I might have to rely on them for a while.

Too much of a lack of sleep makes all the other shit even harder to deal with... and as with vicious circles round and round we go.

S is also struggling to sleep properly because of the cast on her leg. She's not napping so much during the day either because she's not taking so many painkilers. S is not used to not getting enough sleep and she's getting really grouchy with it. She's also making herself wired by drinking caffeine to wake herself up but isn't doing anything to work off the energy... and so she can't sleep.
I feel really bad for her. She's has never had insomnia. She's seen me dealing with it for years and she told me that now she's experienced it just a little and has a vague idea of just some of what I go through, she told me she doesn't know how I cope. She made me cry when she cuddled me and said she was proud of me for keeping fighting through the darkness.

I feel really bad for J actually. He's got both of us suffering with sleep deprivation and being tired and irritable. How he doesn't yell at us when we're both being bitches I don't know. He just shrugs and says he knows he don't mean it, and he also said to me there'd be no point and that it would resolve anything. That man is a saint.

I probably had a point when I sat down and started to write but that was about 15 minutes ago now and I don't actually remember anymore. I'm tired, like the kind of tired where if I close my eyes too long I might actually go to sleep so I might crawl into bed. Even if all I do is nap for a few hours and I'm wide awake again after, I think that would be better than sitting here for 2 hours until 'bedtime'. I know I'm supposed to 'maintain regular sleep patterns' but I think in the current situation, sleeping when tired is more important.
fignewton: (humor)
[personal profile] fignewton
Ahem.

I never mention RL issues here, but...

EEEEEEE I BECAME A GRANDMA FOR THE FIRST TIME YESTERDAY

What an amazing, incredible blessing this is. My new granddaughter is beautiful. My daughter is a trooper. My son-in-law is utterly besotted. Quite frankly, so am I. :D

We now return you to your regularly scheduled SG-1 fannishness.

When you feel like letting go...

Jul. 24th, 2017 07:17 pm
badfalcon: (LOVE)
[personal profile] badfalcon
Apparently, sometimes you just need to dance in the rain!

It’s been an… odd couple of months, mental health wise. I’ve been struggling and trying to deny it and back on my meds for three weeks now. I had the nightmare 10 days or so of riding out the waves of side-effects. Obviously, the meds aren’t fully functioning yet but I’m starting to see some admittedly small changes.

This week… this week has been very stressful at work.
Facilities me has been run off her feet sorting out the after effects of a fire in the warehouse.
Finance me has had some pretty epic yelling suppliers. There have been tears and there have been tantrums!

It all came to a head on Thursday afternoon. I snapped at a supplier on the phone, I hid in the loo and cried multiple times. I ate my weight in chocolate a few times over. I was… shall we actively fighting the urge to do something stupid. I mostly achieved it.

Throw in a hellish drive down to London on Friday (it took me 7 hours to drive 170 miles!) and the weather at the weekend and I almost said fuck it and didn’t go.

But I did.

Saturday, in an utterly shocking statement, I went to a Raintown gig. They were playing in Canada Square as part of Nashville meets London. Kicked the whole thing off which was AWESOME. It was slightly damp in the way that I was soaked through my pac-a-mac. I’d hit the point I was completely drenched, couldn’t physically get any wetter.

I just… I let go. I was singing my heart out, crying my eyes out, laughing, and just… yeah dancing in the rain. It was what I needed.

Are You Kidding?

Jul. 24th, 2017 10:44 am
seshat0120: (Mickey Teal'c)
[personal profile] seshat0120
This has to be one of the funniest/strangest/stupidest things I've read in a while...and that's saying something.  Someone wants to know if they can take a cup of coffee on the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (a roller coaster) in Magic Kingdom.  Just...I've got no words for that.  Sure it's a pretty gentle roller coaster as far as roller coasters go but.....

Decisions

Jul. 24th, 2017 08:47 am
seshat0120: (Saving Hope - Looking Up)
[personal profile] seshat0120
The last time I downloaded/watched/screencapped Saving Hope with episode 9 (episode 16 just aired).  I was toying with the idea of downloading 10-16 and starting to play catch up tonight.  But...there's only 2 more episodes to air for the season/series.  So, maybe I should just wait for those two episodes to air and just do it all at once.

In the past I'd done it episode by episode but that changed when I got my new laptop.  When I went to download and install the software I've been using for the downloading, all the security software practically had a stroke and started popping up messages that I'd have to disable stuff, yadda, yadda.  Um...yeah...I'm not going to do that.  I just stuck to using my old laptop to do it but that's a bit of a pain.  Since I'm not using it regularly, it always has something (most often Norton) that has to update RIGHT NOW! when I turn it on which is why I've been putting off downloading the episodes.  I just don't want to deal with that.

So, back to the crux of my problem...do I get the 7 episodes tonight or just wait 2 weeks and get the remaining 9 all at the same time?

Countdown to conversion day

Jul. 23rd, 2017 10:44 pm
skieswideopen: (FK: Janette 2)
[personal profile] skieswideopen
I went to see Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets today. Cut for negativity more than spoilers. )

For the Forever Knight fans: A friend of mine recently applied for Canadian citizenship, and a few weeks later received an email informing him that the processing of his application has now begun and also providing him with a link to the website where he can download the citizenship test study guide in either print or audio format. Furthermore, the email continued, the audio version is narrated by a group of famous Canadians. My friend didn't recognize any of the names, but I recognized a couple, including one that I thought might be of mild interest to handful of you: Geraint Wyn Davies. If any of you would like to listen to Nick Knight discuss the regions of Canada, you can do so here.

I was reading some advice today on how to improve ease of writing. The first step the site recommended is to write first thing in the morning, before doing anything else, or at least before reading anything else. It apparently doesn't matter what you write as long as you write something; recounting the previous night's dreams or discussing in detail how much you hate the activity are both perfectly valid options. I think I might try it for a bit and see what happens, if I can just bring myself to wake up a little earlier.

I have another week of vacation coming up soon. I should start putting together a list of the things I'd like to accomplish. Bake, definitely; maybe visit the bank; maybe go to the beach. That's a start.

Saving Hope

Jul. 23rd, 2017 06:35 pm
aivix: (Daniel Wants Sleep)
[personal profile] aivix
I just bought myself the Pilot episode, since I've seen some posts and tweets about it. I'm hoping it'll be something I get hooked on since Michael Shanks, especially since Amazon has it and I won't have to go through a VPN to watch it like I was having to do with Torri Higginson's show, This Life.

So potential new fandom, because I need another. I'm still indulging in Stargate, of course, but I haven't been interested in ST or MCU, both of which I used to spend massive amounts of time writing for the kink memes. And I adore comment_fic, but I've been a bit blasé about writing for the fandoms I know best. A bit of writer's block perhaps, since the video for Pathology class has me a wee stressed, though new fandoms always break that up nicely.

I know at least one person on my flist has seen it, anyone else? Am I going to be hooked?

Change of Plans

Jul. 23rd, 2017 12:56 pm
wendelah1: (The End)
[personal profile] wendelah1
We're leaving this afternoon for Fontana, no one's favorite vacation destination. Kyle's surgery is scheduled for 9:00 a.m. tomorrow and he has to be at the surgery center an hour ahead. Rather than getting up at the crack of dawn, we're spending the night at the Hilton Garden Inn Fontana. He should be released before noon so we'll be back home by afternoon.

There is absolutely nothing to do in Fontana. There is not a decent sit-down restaurant in the entire city. Their highly rated Mexican hole-in-the-wall doesn't hold a candle to the one in my neighborhood. There is a pool at the hotel. There's a movie theater right down the street so we might go see the latest Spiderman reboot. (Good grief. How many more times will they reboot that movie franchise?) Or maybe we should see Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets instead. Basic cable is basic. I'll bring my computer but WiFi is spotty.


I didn't get a chance to finish, let alone post this before it turned into old news.

My husband just aspirated again. The hotel is cancelled. The surgery center doesn't open until 7:00 a.m. tomorrow so informing them will have to wait.

I see a trip to Urgent Care in the near future, as soon as I can talk him into it. He's really scared. This could be bad, like our last December vacation in Hawaii kind of bad. At least this time we're at home.

Schedules

Jul. 23rd, 2017 08:33 pm
colonelsandgeeks: (Luke Skywalker)
[personal profile] colonelsandgeeks
I really need to work out a way of getting onto DW into my normal evening schedule. Slot it in between somewhere after doing the dishes because I feel like I'm never getting online to post or to read or to comment. Or even to work on all the fic I'm wanting to write! I'm so used to my normal routine but I like coming online so more than one evening a week would be nice!

Hello Dreamwidth. Hope you've had a nice week since we last spoke. Mine's been very much 'same old, same old' which in a way is good and a way isn't because... well, see above!

I also need to figure out things to talk about. Maybe I'll find one of those '30 day memes' for August or something. I'm sure these things used to be easy but I really have no life and 'I went to work, I did bank stuff, I came home, I cooked, I did housework, I watched TV and went to bed' doesn't exactly make for an interesting blog post, does it? LOL

Ben, the lovely boyfriend, came around this afternoon with a present for me which I'm very excited to play with. He got me a Colouring for Grown-Up Children - Colouring Book Set which he says was a reward for sorting out my paperwork and filing it rather than having it piled up on my kitchen table - that I now have something to use my kitchen table for.
Two colouring books featuring animals, flowers, butterflies and abstract images, and a pack of 36 colouring pencils.

Going back in time

Jul. 22nd, 2017 11:47 pm
duffy: (dirtyarchaeologist)
[personal profile] duffy
Spent evening watching Stargate SG1 and Atlantis. Nostalgia- I'm soaking in it!

The Summer I Went Crazy

Jul. 23rd, 2017 05:47 am
ofmonstrouswords: (thg: haymitch coffee)
[personal profile] ofmonstrouswords
Serious content warning for this post. I talk about childhood abuse, trauma, suicide, and sexual assault.

There’s a video making the rounds on social media. I haven’t watched it. I don’t want to watch it. But I’ve seen the comments and I know, basically, what it’s about: a child having a tantrum on a train.

Comments have ranged from “this kid is probably autistic” to “this kid needs to be disciplined” and it strikes me this is just yet another way for people without kids to judge parents for not doing a good enough job; or people with kids to feel superior because THEIR child never had a meltdown on the subway.

It also strikes me how very lucky I am to have been born in 1986 and become a teenager in the 90s. Because I grew up without ubiquitous cellphone video cameras and the ability to post video of strangers online. I grew up without the danger that my one bad day would have meant worldwide shaming of my mother, and custody being ripped away from her.

Before we moved to Hawai’i my summers were split between my parents. (After moving there, I spent them with my bio-sire, for what was called “access” because he required access to his child and I was supposed to have access to my tormentors.)

After the first half of the summer being spent with my bio-sire and his new girlfriend, a woman we dubbed Wife #5 (he’s on #7 now), and her band of ill-mannered, horrific monsters of children, I got to spend time with my mom. This particular summer we went to Hawai’i to visit with people, including my new friend who became my best friend and still is (she was my maid of honor at my wedding).

I’m not really sure why she stuck with me for so many years, because that was the second year we knew each other and it was the summer I went insane.

I was a monster. I screamed and cried and kicked. I lashed out at everyone, including my best friend. I threw tantrums on a regular basis. I said cruel, hurtful things. I tried to kill myself. I wielded sharp weapons and was a danger to myself and others.

No one knew what was going on. My mother was at a complete loss, trying to manage a child who had never acted out on this scale before. She was inches from putting me into an institution, and had the threat of my bio-sire taking custody not loomed, she may have done so.

And I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell anyone, because I didn’t have words for it and I blamed myself.

What was happening was a culmination of years of abuse and trauma. I had been suffering abuse from my bio-sire since I was 2 years old, and now he had a new family who liked to join in on the fun. I was accused of stealing money from my stepmom, had my belongings stolen from me by my stepsister and then blamed when I tried to get them back from her, called names, threatened, punished when I complained of headaches or coughing because my stepmom liked to smoke cigarettes below my room.

I remember being told by my stepmom that everything was my mom’s fault — yes, even the fact that she and my dad weren’t fucking anymore, which is completely appropriate to say to a kid, right? — and that she was my new mom now and I had to get used to it.

I remember being loathed so completely by my stepmom and step-siblings that I would have done anything to be accepted and loved. Anything.

So I was very easy to coerce.

My stepbrother may have only been 6 months older than me, but he was fully cognizant of what was going on. He’d convinced me the only way I could be accepted by the family was if I did what he asked. I didn’t want to, but I wanted to be accepted.

Of course, I never was. And I blamed myself for what happened for another 10 years. It wasn’t until I confessed, crying, to my first boyfriend about what a dirty, shameful slut I was for having had sex at age 10, telling him the whole story, that he held me and said: Babe. You were raped. That was rape.

It was rape, and it was the cherry on top of the shit sundae of trauma and abuse ladled out to me by my bio-sire and his new wife and her children.

And I couldn’t tell anyone. All I could do was go insane.

If this had been now, if I’d been acting out that way in the modern era, some asshole would film it and put it online so people could shame my mom. She’d lose custody of me and I’d have to live with my bio-sire, where my stepbrother would be free to rape me as many times as he wanted. And in the end, I’d take my own life.

There are so many times I wish I’d told my mom when it happened. If I had, that would have been it: she would have been able to get sole, full custody of me and prevent my bio-sire from ever seeing me again. I would have had a better adolescence. I would have started healing sooner. I wouldn’t have had to spend the night with then ex-Wife #5 in my teens because of a missed ferry connection, and weathered the look her older son gave me as I stood in their kitchen, the look that made me feel dirty, and ashamed, and like I wanted to jump into the Salish Sea and drown.

I have searched for years for ways to cleanse myself of the shame, and the anger and the hatred. Ways for me to process the trauma — not just that rape, but all the other compounded trauma that came after it, including another rape. I have done so much, but it is still not enough, and sometimes I feel like that ten-year-old: ready to scream and break down in public, ready to fling myself off a building, ready to kill anyone who gets close to me.

I’ve thought for a while that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve been close to committing myself a few times in the past year, which might be the right move seeing as I requested a psych consult over a year ago and BC’s medical establishment moves as fast as a glacier when it comes to mental health. I want a diagnosis. Because what I think I have doesn’t help me get help. It won’t help me get better meds than what I have.

Recently, I heard that Borderline Personality Disorder can look the same as C-PTSD. C-PTSD, or Complex-PTSD, is what happens when someone suffers trauma over and over for a long period of time.

I already know I have PTSD; now I’m pretty sure I have C-PTSD. Because I suffered trauma for years on end from my bio-sire and my stepfamilies, then later from partners, people who were supposed to love me but only hurt me.

One of them, I still can’t speak his name without freaking out.

Another, this year I celebrated it having been 7 years since he touched me. I have grown into a body he never knew.

And I had C-PTSD when I was 10, because that was after 8 years of hell.

Last night, instead of sleeping, my brain decided to replay the abuse over and over again. Over and over again, I remembered the rape. It’s been over two decades, and I still cannot shake this trauma.

Maybe that kid in the video just needs discipline. Or maybe they’re fighting a battle we know nothing about. Maybe the last thing that parent needs is strangers judging them. Maybe what they need is compassion, and understanding, and patience.

Maybe we don’t know the first fucking thing about other people’s lives. Maybe we should consider that before we whip out the cell phone and start filming.

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