badfalcon: (Paper Heart)
[personal profile] badfalcon
I was told in work today that I seemed more like myself today. I did feel brighter this morning but oh boy did I crash this afternoon. Half-way through this afternoon I was just done with the day and wanted it all to go away, was fed up of whiney suppliers and stupid questions. Suppliers chasing an invoice that was cancelled by a full credit in 2012, chasing an invoice that was paid in May. Facilities boss giving me half the info I need to give him an answer.

I've had a semi-productive evening. I did a load of laundry, I did a sink of dishes. I made my packup for tomorrow and I had a culinary failure. My roast potatoes were still uncooked in the middle and my sausages were burned. So that worked out well. I just ended up with some spaghetti and some steamed vegetables. Not exactly exciting or tasty but it was edible.

I did however then binge and eat all the chocolate and cake that was in the house *sigh* Bad Cassie, not going to lose weight doing that. Admittedly it did make me feel a little better. Yay sugar high.

TV wise this evening I have watched the 1x02 of Outlander, the 1x02 of Liar and 1x05-1x06 of Midnight.
Outlander I've been meaning to watch for a while. Everyone talks about it and since it's available on Amazon prime... Clare is gorgeous and I love her voice. I can see why everyone loves Jamie. It's filmed beautifully. The first book is now on my to-read list.
Liar is an ITV drama about a woman who's accused a guy of rape and how it's affecting both their lives. Very powerful stuff but also filmed in a really nice way. Also, Ioan Gruffud
Midnight Texas is LOVE. Also, I was very gleeful that Christopher Heyerdahl was in it. I adore Lem and want to do nasty dirty things to Fiji! You also should have seen my reaction to Joe's Angel wings! <3

OH... HOLY MOTHER OF HE JUST GOT HIS WINGS OUT AGAIN. I MAY NEED A MOMENT TO WHIMPER AND WIBBLE AND RECOVER. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS.

Right.. now, where was I?

I've just started reading the first of the books that, I'm about 50 pages in. Some of the characters are very different - Lem and Manfred physical descriptions especially and I much prefer Lem in the show but I wish Manfred had all the tattoos and piercings he does in the book. But I'm enjoying it so far. I was nervous about it when I realised it was by Charlaine Harris because I wasn't a fan of the Sookie Stackhouse books. It also blew m mind that she wrote the Aurora Teagarden mysteries which I love the movies on Hallmark. I'll be getting the next Midnight two books on payday, they're still on offer on Amazon which is even better and I might see if the Aurora Teagarden ones aren't too expensive.
That 'no buying books' things is doing really well hahaha

Oh! Speaking of Christopher Heyerdahl, it was his birthday yesterday. I tweeted him and he liked my tweet. Happy fangirl was happy.
And seriously, is there anything that man hasn't been in?

My phone is telling me to 'TAKE YOUR FUCKING MEDS' which is my cue to head upstairs when this has finished, take my meds, and start winding down for the evening. Listen to some music and read a little more before turning in.

Let's hope for another good day tomorrow.

Yeah. I'm not panicked at all.

Sep. 19th, 2017 07:54 am
wendelah1: Letter H is for Holy Crap (H is for Holy Crap)
[personal profile] wendelah1
From USA TODAY: UNITED NATIONS – In a bracing speech to the United Nations, President Trump threatened Tuesday to "destroy" North Korea if it does not give up its nuclear weapons program.

Is he trying to start a war? For real?

A "bracing speech"? WTF, USA TODAY.

We cannot let ourselves get derailed by the shitstorm the Trump administration calls their foreign policy. We still have to make those phone calls to stop Trumpcare.

We Won't Betrumped Again

Sep. 19th, 2017 07:42 am
wendelah1: (Repeal and Replace)
[personal profile] wendelah1
INDIVISIBLE just unveiled a new calling tool for folks in Blue States who want to help stop Trumpcare: Calls to Kill TrumpCare. We can't call our Senators--well, we can but mine are both Democrats and they are not the problem here. But we can make calls to our counterparts in key Red States and ask them to call their Senators.

How California — yes, California — could make a Trump reelection more difficult. YES!

Atlas Obscura: Found: 30 Lost English Words That May Deserve a Comeback.

Well, well, well. I think "betrump" deserves a comeback. Betrump: To deceive, cheat; to elude, slip from. Examples: I think our entire country is getting betrumped on a daily basis. Don't let yourselves get betrumped! Curses! Betrumped again! See what I mean? So useful. So accurate.

During Irma’s Power Outages, Some Houses Kept The Lights On With Solar And Batteries. Of course, if the roof has blown off or the living room has been flooded, having solar power doesn't mean all that much. Also, we're paying to help folks rebuild in the same flood zones over and over again. Maybe that needs to change?

USA TODAY: Dear Texas, how many times do we have to rebuild the same house? (You're next Florida). It's a reasonable question, imho.

Two years before NFIP was created, the 1966 Presidential Task Force on Federal Flood Control Policy warned that a badly run program 'could exacerbate the whole problem of flood losses. For the federal government to subsidize low premium disaster insurance ... would be to invite economic waste of great magnitude.' That sage advice was ignored.

The Atlantic: Has Climate Change Intensified 2017’s Western Wildfires? Long story, short: Yes. It has.

VOX: The brilliant, infuriating, boring, hypnotic Ken Burns documentary on The Vietnam War. The documentarian’s latest miniseries for PBS is a staggering achievement — and maybe his best work. I watched the first episode. It was good. I learned new things about Vietnam and its history. We keep making the same mistakes, over and over again. This has to stop.

Depression is a bitch

Sep. 18th, 2017 06:44 pm
badfalcon: (Default)
[personal profile] badfalcon
My Dreamwidth and Livejournal paid accounts have both expired. Boo. And I'm too broke right now to renew them. First world problems, I know.
Well, I'm not planning on renewing my LJ, not giving them anymore money but I have to work on narrowing down the icons because holycrap I had a love.
Dreamwidth I will definitely be renewing but that's going to have to wait til Friday when I get paid again. Of course, I'm actually going to have to start using my journals again.

I just.. I don't know. Never feel like I have anything to talk about. I work, I read, I watch too much TV. I go to the odd Raintown gig or sci-fi convention but mostly, I'm just boring as fuck. Every time I've opened up this 'post an entry' page lately, I've been feeling very depressed and I don't want to just talk about that, but at the same time, I hate that it's taking this away from me. I'm determined not to let it.

This evening I thumbed my nose at the depression and forced myself to the gym. I did a gentle 2 mile walk on the treadmill - not too fast, not too steep; just a steady gentle walk. I don't really feel like I had a big cardio workout but I really need to build my knee up to it. Right now it's screaming at me :(
But I figure any walk is a good walk, even if I didn't break out a sweat or anything.

Tomorrow's plan is to go to Tesco and grab a couple of frozen ready meals to have on work out days because there's no way in hell my knee is letting me cook. I'd planned on making chicken stirfry but standing to cook was a no-go after working out. So I'm sitting with it up and an ice-pack on it, eating some past and watching Chesapeake Shores.

[comm] dear trickortreatex author:

Sep. 17th, 2017 01:15 pm
we_protect_each_other: king of knights & king of heroes (Default)
[personal profile] we_protect_each_other
Dear Trick or Treat Author,

Thank you for writing something for me! I love this time of year and the holidays it brings. Cool weather approaching, winter approaching, and all the cozy and creepy things. ... I didn't mean for that to rhyme, but we'll go with it. Anyway, I have a pretty standard set of likes/dislikes included in my letter that I include in almost all of them. Then, I'll give you some specific prompts and any specific likes/dislikes for each fandom request.

AO3: [archiveofourown.org profile] failsafe

Likes: canon-typical violence, missing scenes, UST, emotional ambiguity, found families, developing or established relationships, time travel, pre-canon, post-canon, bedsharing, loyalty, worldbuilding, epistolary/journal/log fiction, monster-of-the-week / slice of ordinary life adventures, earned second chances, dealing with consequences, "what if" / canon divergent AUs, earned happy endings, holidays, casefic, groundhog day trope, mysteries, healing, survival (wilderness, zombie apocalypse, etc.), last stands, trying against impossible odds, succeeding against impossible odds, heartfelt goodbyes, unexpected reunions, foils

Dislikes: character bashing towards anybody, noncon, explicit gore, breathplay, serious or permanent injury related to sexuality, nihilism, hopeless endings (but sad is okay)

For all fandoms, I have selected nominated character tags for focal characters I'd like to see, but I'm happy with any and all combinations of supporting characters. If you would like to do ship-fic, I will include a list of the ships I'd like to see. However, I am equally happy with gen or something in-between. I am happy with all ratings unless noted for a specific prompt. If I indicate that I'd like to have smutty fic, I prefer to let the characters dictate their own kinks, and I'm pretty game for anything which doesn't involve scat or any of my other DNWs. With regard to violence, I am happy to see it included, particularly on the level it might be in canon, but especially in fandoms that are especially violent I would prefer fics that didn't focus on a play-by-play of especially gruesome things, even if they are included within a plot.

Now, onto fandom specifics. This letter is so long, you may want to use CTRL + F!

fandom specifics )

Kesiva Vechasima Tova

Sep. 17th, 2017 07:00 pm
fignewton: (Default)
[personal profile] fignewton
With Rosh Hashanah starting Thursday night, I'll be offline until after Yom Kippur, around the start of October. Until then, I wish all of you a year blessed with health, safety, and happiness.

Long day!

Sep. 17th, 2017 02:46 am
azurelunatic: Polyamory infinite hearts, in a polymer-like grid (polymer)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
Breakfast with partner and metamour Leopard Girl.

Seanan McGuire event in Silverdale. We brought tribute, and were briefly Seanan's favorite. (Diet Dr Pepper and candy corn. Seanan is a being of predictable tastes.)

Mini muffin tin quest!

Partner made a note they should chat with our mutual friend in London about stuff. Hooray, viable communities.

Dinner for the extended polycule, with many dishes thanks to Trader Joe's. (Rice, orange chicken with extra zesty sauce but no carrots since we ran out, BBQ pork buns, pot stickers, spring rolls, and green beans. The rice and green beans weren't pre-packaged, and I do a little customization to the chicken by adding orange peel and scallions. The gyoza and bao steam over the rice, and the spring rolls could bake with the chicken. The green beans start frozen and get gently fried with seasonings. Usually it's butter and Montreal steak seasoning, but Stray Puppy Girl is very lactose intolerant, and Leopard Girl dislikes red pepper. So I went for sesame oil, garlic, onion, pepper, salt, ginger, a packet of soy sauce that needed using, and the excess teriyaki sauce from the other night. It turned out well. To my immense gratification, my partner really likes all the iterations of the green beans that I have made so far. Generally they disappear immediately.)

Club night. Without going into excessive detail, one of the groups near the people I was with were having a hilarious time, and kept setting each other off giggling. That prompted our group to giggle. The glee was infectious.

Everyone is spending the night. We hauled the camping pads out of the alleged guest room (it is currently not in a state for guests as my textiles have exploded all over it) and they're set up next to the futon in case it turns from cozy to crowded in the middle of the night. Things are well set up for breakfast, and there should be cheesecake at some point (thus the mini muffin tins).
wendelah1: My team (Stargate SG-1)
[personal profile] wendelah1
This is a signal boost of a post on Livejournal. Read here about efforts to contact authors who posted fanfiction on the Alpha Gate, a wonderful and long-established archive for Stargate SG-1 which is moving to the Archive Of Our Own.

Please take a gander at the list of authors and see if you know how to contact any of them about the archive's move.

Thanks to [personal profile] princessofgeeks for the heads up. Please spread the word if you can.

The Zombie Bill

Sep. 18th, 2017 10:11 am
wendelah1: (OH NO NOT YOU AGAIN)
[personal profile] wendelah1
ARGH.

From Slate: Republicans Are Seriously Getting Optimistic About Passing Obamacare Repeal Again.

That's bad enough but that's not the worst part.

My colleague Jordan Weissmann has written about how the Graham-Cassidy bill is not the moderate compromise its backers make it out to be. The bill would essentially collapse Obamacare’s market subsidies and Medicaid expansion by replacing them with block grants allotted to each state to design their own health systems, with few strings attached. Those grants would be determined by a complex formula that, relative to current law, punishes large blue states or those that expanded Medicaid while rewarding red states that didn’t. Like previous GOP bills, Graham-Cassidy would also set slow-growing per-capita caps on traditional Medicaid, and allow states to waive out of core Obamacare insurance regulations. It would defund Planned Parenthood for one year.


That's right. This bill punishes states like California and New York for expanding Medicaid under the provisions of the Affordable Care Act while rewarding the states that didn't. It takes money away from my state because we provided healthcare benefits for our residents and gives it to the likes of TEXAS, which didn't. TEXAS!

Ending the Affordable Care Act while at the same time rewarding people in the states that did vote for Trump and punishing people who live in the states that didn't vote him. Wow. Now that's a WIN-WIN.

Those FUCKERS.

More angry ranting )

The INDIVISIBLE website has everything you need to know to help stop this travesty. AGAIN.

You won this before. Now it's time to win it again. Let's #KillTheBill.

Yuletide nominations are ending soon

Sep. 15th, 2017 11:19 pm
wendelah1: (I signed up to write what?!?)
[personal profile] wendelah1
VERY soon. My Yuletide nominations are as follows:

1. Deviations: The X-Files
Dana Scully (Deviations)
Samantha Mulder (Deviations)
Fox Mulder (Deviations)
Cigarette Smoking Man (Deviations)

2. The Expanse (TV)
Jim Holden (The Expanse TV) - I had to add The Expanse TV to get the nomination accepted because someone else had nominated the same character for the book series. Ditto for Joe Miller.
Joe Miller (The Expanse TV)
Julie Mao
Octavia Muss

3. Interstellar (2013)
Amelia Brand
Joseph Cooper
Murphy Cooper
Tom Cooper

Here's a fantastic one-minute fandom: Has anyone heard of Dixit? I suggested to the nominator that someone should create a Dixit Bingo community. These pictures are more surreal than the average fic Bingo card but I like that about them. I will offer it for sure. Heck, I might even ask for the game for my birthday.

(no subject)

Sep. 14th, 2017 08:47 am
beatrice_otter: Yuletide (Yuletide)
[personal profile] beatrice_otter
I know that only about 1/3 of all participants use the nomination coordinating spreadsheet, but that is making things very hard for me.  Because I would assume that Rivers of London, which has been a perennial Yuletide fandom for years, would be nominated?  Because it always is?  BUT IT IS NOT ON THE SPREADSHEET?!?  And if someone else will be nominating it, I would like to use my slots for other fandoms that pretty much won't be nominated by anyone else, BUT WHAT IF THIS IS THE YEAR FANDOM FAILS ME?!?  I wasn't in RoL fandom last year!

Here are some of the other fandoms I am considering nominating, and I need to make a decision like, NOW.

Random Harvest (1942)--classic, classic melodrama starring the ineffable Greer Garson.  Tropetastic.

Archandroid - Janelle Monae--another one that others often nom, and there hasn't been new canon for a while, but always reliable for some great worldbuilding fic.

Kitty Foyle (1940)--Ginger Rogers showing why she is an AWESOME actress.  I want the fic that covers the original ending, the one that the studio and the censors made them change: she keeps the baby and raises him out of wedlock.

Hobson's Choice (1954)--I want more of Maggie and Will!  So much more.


Here are the fandoms I would request fic in if someone else nommed them, but wouldn't take up a nomination slot for:
Lord Peter Wimsey - Dorothy Sayers--classic cozy mysteries, and I love Peter and Harriet and Bunter all together.
The Moon is a Harsh Mistress - Heinlein
My Fair Lady
Batman Beyond

And, again, Batman Beyond is pretty likely to be nommed, and so is Peter Wimsey, but NEITHER IS ON THE SPREADSHEET OMG.

I just need to figure out a) whether I can take the risk of RoL not being nominated, and b) if so whether to drop Kitty Foyle or Hobson's Choice.  (If I nom RoL, Kitty and Hobson are both gone.)

Looking at that list, I am REALLY into classic movies this year.  I guess.

ETA: There is a second spreadsheet of noms, and Rivers of London is on it.  Peter, Thomas, Varvara, Seawoll, Lesley, Stephanopoulos, and Sahra are the characters.  I have accordingly nominated Random Harvest, the Archandroid, and Hobson's Choice.

The Love You Give Is Enough

Sep. 13th, 2017 01:35 am
ofmonstrouswords: (thg: haymitch coffee)
[personal profile] ofmonstrouswords
Yesterday I ran a lot into something that’s physically painful for me to see: clappy hand emojis between words. It’s an internet trend to make what are considered important points this way, instead of the old-fashioned placing of a period between each word. (What. was. wrong. with. that?)

You’re probably wondering why/how it makes me sick. The best explanation I can come up with is that my visual processor is over-developed and hyper-competent after a lifetime of having to make up for my auditory disabilities — my hearing is fine, my brain has problems processing and parsing sounds — and so when I read things, I experience them more vividly than people without that disability do.

My lack of ability to properly parse things I hear means my visual processor makes up for it by making me hear things mentally really well when I read them. This is why shitty punctuation in a book drives me insane. I can’t just skim over it when reading; it’s integrally a part of what I’m experiencing. It tells me how to “hear” things in my mind, and if it’s wrong, it will fuck up my entire experience.

(This is also why I loathe the practice of 2 spaces after a period. It makes my brain grind to a halt when I’m reading something, because one space is a normal pause between sentences for me. Two spaces is the emergency brake.)

My experience seeing the clappy hand emojis between words is to feel as if I’m being slapped or punched in the face after every word. Reading a sentence written that way gives me a headache and makes me nauseated.

And to be honest, even if it didn’t cause me physical pain, I would find it the most annoying fucking thing on the planet. So either way, I’d be stoked if people could fucking stop doing it.

Anyway. Yesterday I saw like, 3 or 4 tweets using this method so I spent most of the day feeling headachey and sick to my stomach. One of them, however, is what inspired this post.

This was from an account I used to enjoy following, and from someone I thought was pretty cool. Not only did they use the clappy hands emoji thing that makes me sick, but they used it to repeat a really damaging belief: “you can’t love somebody until you love yourself.” (I’m pretty sure that’s what the tweet said exactly; I just went and double-checked as fast as I could before getting too sick. Am super nauseated right now anyway.)

This is a bullshit idea and I am so sick of hearing it repeated.

I have strong feelings about this.
Working on self-love is, of course, important, and something I encourage EVERYONE to do. But the phrasing of this idea, the way it’s always put forth, makes it a zero-sum game: you cannot love someone until you love yourself. Unsaid in that sentence: your whole self. You cannot love someone until you love yourself 100%.

This idea leads to a horrible self-repeating spiral of self-hate. That sentence also says that if you DO love someone when you don’t love yourself, it’s not enough. It’s not GOOD enough. Your love for your spouse or sister or daughter or son or best friend — it’s not enough, because you don’t love yourself first.

And because your love isn’t enough — because you don’t love yourself — you are obviously not worthy of that person. And if you’re not worthy of that person, then you are, of course, not worthy of THEIR love and thus unlovable.

How the fuck are you supposed to work on self-love if you keep getting told that the love you give isn’t good enough?

I’m a broken person. I’m damaged goods. I always will be; doesn’t mean I want to be treated like I am. You can glue something back together, but those cracks will always be visible.

Most days I absolutely hate myself. But you know who I love? Mr. Katje, my husband. I love him so much I can sometimes forget what an awful person I am. I love him so much I can forget that I hate myself.

And Mr. Katje loves me, and because he loves me, he helps me work on these things. He reminds me to eat, because I can’t love myself enough to do that. He reminds me to take my pills, because sometimes I cannot take that care of myself. His reminders build up, and become my reminders: I eat because Mr. Katje loves me, so I am worth loving, so I need to love myself. I take my pills because Mr. Katje loves me, so I am not an unlovable monster, so I need to take care of myself.

Through his love of me, I am slowly, very slowly discovering self-love. It is self-love based in the love of another person.

I suppose people who believe that self-love must be entirely self-generated, a virgin birth in your heart, would see that as unhealthy.

I believe humans are pack animals and we cannot exist alone. I believe relying on oneself to the exclusion of all else is unhealthy. I believe we need each other in the same way we need food, water, shelter.

So I do not see my building up my self-love based on the love others give me as unhealthy. I see it as human.

I know Mr. Katje struggles with self-love, too. I know he has doubts; I know he has that voice inside that tells him he’s not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough for me. I know he feels he’s not a good enough husband for me, because he can’t support me like he wants to, because he’s been damaged by a lifetime of society shoving it down his throat that if he’s not earning big bucks, he’s not good enough.

(Kyriarchy damages men too.)

He is enough. He will always be enough, regardless our money situation, regardless what lies society screams at him. And if the love he gives is enough for me, then the love I give has to be enough for him.

It’s not fair to ask damaged people to put everything on hold while they try to figure out how to love themselves, and then to tell them that if they can’t figure that out, they don’t deserve to love anyone else.

It’s not fair to ask that of anyone.

Spend time cultivating self-love, as much as you can. But if you cannot get that to 100% — that’s okay. If all you can manage is 5% on a good day — that’s okay. The love you give is still worthy. The love you give is enough. The love you give is not subtracted from by the hate you feel for yourself. This is not algebra.

We may be brokenhearted, but we are enough, and whatever love we can pump out of those damaged organs is enough. It has to be, or humanity doesn’t stand a chance.

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